ZooCrew Unfornication Progress 0% - Hoodie (Unisex)
Ah, yes. Behold the masterpiece that is “Zoo Crew:
Unfornication Progress: 0%”. Let’s take a moment to appreciate the absolute cacophony of choices that came together here like a creative car crash in the middle of a jungle-themed rave. Let’s break it down:
• ZOO CREW — Because nothing says high-octane action like bold, bloated letters flanked by more palm trees than a discount tiki bar. We’ve got a pyramid, jungle vines, and inexplicably aggressive typography. Indiana Jones is quaking.
• UNFORNICATION — A word that technically doesn’t exist, but somehow manages to imply a reverse process that absolutely no one asked for. We’re not just stopping fornication—we’re rolling back the entire firmware of horniness. Stunning.
• Progress: 0% — A cold, hard admission that literally nothing has been achieved. Zero. Zilch. But boldly advertised in yellow bubble letters like it’s a high score. Inspiring.
• And that red stamp: “UNFORNICATED – UNFUCK YOURSELF – SINCE 2024” — Like a bureaucratic badge of shame, proudly declaring your total lack of… well, you know. It’s official now, folks. There’s a seal.
(Text by Michaela)
More details
- 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester
- Charcoal Heather is 60% ring-spun cotton, 40% polyester
- Carbon Grey is 55% ring-spun cotton, 45% polyester
- Heavyweight fabric (8.5 oz)
- Regular fit but can run a bit tight
- Unisex sizing
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Unfornicated
- Email: unfornicated-shop@support.fourthwall.com
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, bisphenols and phthalates level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Size & Fit
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
ZooCrew Unfornication Progress 0% - Hoodie (Unisex) Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
|
S
|
27
|
20
|
|
M
|
28
|
21
|
|
L
|
29
|
23
|
|
XL
|
30
|
25
|
|
2XL
|
31
|
26
|
|
3XL
|
32
|
28
|